When I first heard about covid-19, I kind of blew it off. It
did not affect me so what was the point of adding stress to my life. I had two
weddings to plan, a dance recital to get ready for, a house to buy, and figure
out how to fit a baby shower into my crazy schedule. I just did not have time
to worry about a virus that I didn’t have. As the virus became more real, I
started seeing that it was, in fact, going to affect me.
When it comes to bad things, I like to expect the worst-case
scenario. Not so much as I am a Debbie downer and always expecting bad things
to happen but more so that I do not get disappointed if something doesn’t
happen the way I planned it. I do this because most things do not go how I plan
them. So I’ve had to learn to be flexible. The first thing I expected to cancel
was my bachelorette trip. And just as I expected, the concert was canceled
which meant so was the bachelorette trip. Then came one of my wedding showers
that we decided to postpone. Then my sister’s bachelorette trip and then
ultimately my wedding. Next thing I knew, my full calendar from March to June
(full as in I had something every. single. weekend.) was wiped clean. I really did
not know what to do. I mean what can you really do?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
All control was lost. I could sit around and be upset but
that was not going to fix anything. Was I upset. Yes. Oh yes. But the only
thing I knew to do was look on the bright side. So that is what I’ve been
doing. I am not writing this post to tell you about how everything I’ve ever
dreamed of has been cancelled or postponed. Because it has and I could go on
and on. But I am writing this to tell you what hasn’t been cancelled. To tell
you what has become and grown because of covid-19.
First would be time. I have so much time. I am sure you do
as well. I have begged for time for a long time. I got it. I have time to cook
dinner after work. I have time to work out. I have time to spend with God. I
have time to just sit outside and not feel bad about it. No one needs me to be
somewhere every hour of the day. I do not have to waste time driving from place
to place. I do not have to spend my time putting make up on or brushing my hair
(praise!!). It is awesome. I am thankful for this time! Sometimes I even feel
as if this time is not enough. I could always use more. But I am thankful that
God listened to my cries of needing to slow down.
Second would be gratitude. From technology to Walmart pickup
I am learning to be thankful for the small things. People say all the time “you
don’t really know what you have until its gone”. That is so true in this
situation we are all in. But I am thankful to live in a world with zoom and
facetime. I have been able to talk to family, have work meetings, attend bible
study and even teach dance classes. I don’t know who invented zoom but they are
awesome. I am thankful for the people that are working tirelessly at Walmart,
Brookshire’s, Kroger and so many other essential stores. We live in a country
where we do not even have to go grocery shopping even when there is not a
pandemic going on. How cool. And your experience might be completely different,
but every employee that I have come in contact with at the grocery store have
been extremely nice. If I were in that situation, I would not be that nice. I
am thankful that my family and friends are healthy. There is no reason that
this virus should pass over me and not someone else. I am thankful for the
people caring for those who are sick. I can’t imagine being on the front lines.
They are doing it with smiles on their faces. Most importantly, I am thankful
that God has remained the same God as he was four months ago. This pandemic has
not taken God by surprise. He is still constant and still taking care of us. I
have learned to appreciate the small things. (Including toilet paper haha).
I have learned to rely on God more than ever. Like I said
earlier, we have no control over any of this. I’ve spent many times during this
mess on my knees begging God to take control. There have been situations during
this pandemic where the only thing I can do to help is pray. I am a person that
likes helping people. I like being able to “fix” things. But that has not been
possible. It’s hard to leave people and situations in God’s hands. It’s hard to
let go. It’s hard to trust that no matter what happens, good or bad in our
eyes, that it’s God’s plan and he knows what he’s doing. It’s just hard. But
I’m learning that this life is not about us, it’s about what God.
The list of things I’ve learned and gained through this
pandemic could go on and on. It includes things like how I’m not the perfect
Pinterest crafter, or how I can’t plan a wedding in three weeks, or how I’m
beautiful in God’s eyes and a couple of gained pounds during quarantine is ok,
or how sometimes I just need to take a walk. So many things. And I’m sure there
will be many more. This time is not easy. It’s hard. And honestly, I have
probably had it pretty easy. There are so many others who have lost way more
than just a wedding date. Know that in this time I am praying for you and your
family. Which can be difficult sometimes because I don’t necessarily know how
to pray or what to pray in a time like this. But if you’ve listened to the song
“The Blessing” by Kari Jobe, Cody Carnes and Elevation Worship, that is my
prayer for you in this time. Lord bless you and keep you. May His face shine
upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn his face toward you and give you
peace.
With love,
Mary Ashton