“You’re a mama!”
The words I heard three days ago when our foster care worker
“Mallory” called to tell me that she had a two-year-old little boy needing a
safe place to call home for a little while.
Answered prayer.
I was expecting a phone call from “Mallory” but not that
one. We had only completed two out of the three home studies in our
certification process to become foster parents, but she had said that we could
do the third one over the phone. I was expecting more questions. I was
expecting more prying. I was expecting more digging. That’s not what I got, and
I’ve never been more excited to not get what I was expecting. The last seven
months have been a lot. Lots of classes. Lots of training. Lots of paperwork.
Lots of phone calls. Lots of cleaning (ha!). If you haven’t noticed…it’s been a
lot. But it has also been so worth it. And might I add that I have heard a lot
of negativities about the process of becoming a certified foster parent. As
said before, it is so much work, but we have had the sweetest and most helpful
workers throughout this process. They have worked diligently with us and have
been on our side completely. I do not know how the rest of our experience will
go with working with the state but the people we have met so far have a heart
for these kids and it is an honor to get to meet them.
Back to the phone call.
I’ve never felt so excited and so heartbroken. I’m overjoyed
to finally be able to care for these precious little kids, but I am also extremely
heartbroken over the fact that there is a need for this. Y’all there are so
many kids out there that need us. If you think there is not, read the paragraph
before again. We were not even finished with the certification process before
we got a call. There is a great need!
I am scared! I’m scared that I will not know what to do. I
am scared that I will never sleep again. I am scared that he won’t love us.
There are a million and one things running through my mind as we patiently wait
for our little one’s arrival. Which is also the most nerve wrecking thing I
will ever do. The foster care system is wild and there is no guarantee. There’s
a possibility they could call me tonight and tell me that they’ve found a
family member that is better suited for this little one. I have been on the
edge of my seat for the last three days.
We did not have nine months to prepare for this little one.
I’ve been scrambling to make sure that we have the necessities so that we can
at least make it through one night. But also, how do I know what the
necessities are when I’ve never had a child of my own. Terrifying.
But let it be known that I have seen God more tangibly in
the last three days than I ever have before. He has answered my prayers
immediately and given me a peace for His will to be done. He has sent people
with items that were desperately needed. He has given me glimpses of his love for us
because I have never loved and worried about a little boy that I have never met
or might never meet so much. I have prayed and prayed and prayed so many things
over the last three days. I am so extremely grateful for a God who takes a
broken situation and makes it whole again. The devil is working but my God is
bigger, and He has already won.
I do not know what today or tomorrow or even the next day
brings. I am laying every bit of this at the feet of Jesus and asking Him to
move in ways that only He can. I am trusting Him because I know that His ways
are better than mine. A few weeks ago, I cautiously asked God to break my heart
for what breaks His and He has done just that.
Thank you to everyone single person who has prayed, given,
or sent words of encouragement. We could not do this without you. Please
continue to pray for us and the little lives that we have the privilege of
being a part of. I can’t wait to see what God does.