I trust in God

 Last July, Blake and I walked through the hardest thing we’ve ever faced thus far. Our hearts were extremely broken and there was nothing we could do except look to God. In December our church held a conference called “Aleph Bet”. We weren’t able to attend in person but we did stream it each night on YouTube.  One of the nights the worship team was singing “I trust in God”. It was/is a very popular worship song and one that is played often at church. It was a song at, one point in life, that I really loved hearing and clung to some of the lyrics in full hope that God would come through on something really big in our lives. Some of the lyrics are “I sought the Lord and He heard and He answered.” It’s based off of Psalm 34:4. I was very confident that God not only heard what we were praying for but that He was going to answer in the way that we had hoped. I remember hearing those words that night and I looked at Blake sitting on the couch and being very vulnerable said “I really love this song but lately cannot stand it. I believe that God heard us and has answered us. It wasn’t in the way we we thought though. I trust Him but His answer has been so extremely hard and I truly just don’t understand.” I was being a little sarcastic but also honest. The worship leader continued to sing and talk about how we can trust in God, rely on Him and know that He is going to answer us. About 30 seconds after I got done telling Blake about how the song was irritating our pastors wife walked up on the stage (it seemed unplanned but I don’t really know) and grabbed the microphone. She started speaking about how God does always hear us and answers us but it doesn’t mean our prayer will be answered in the way we want. She spoke of people that she personally knew. People that didn’t get the answer they wanted to the prayers they had been praying. People that she had sat with in the hospital with as they lost their child after they had prayed and begged God not to take their child. She said God doesn’t always answer our prayer in the way that we want but that He is still a good God. He’s still a God that loves us and has a plan for us. He’s still a God that we can trust because His plan for our life is so much better than what we could ever imagine. 

I just cried and cried. Someone understood. I have no idea if our pastor’s wife was planning on saying that or if she just felt the need to walk up there and speak but I know without a shadow of a doubt that God was speaking to me through her. 

This July looks a lot different than it did last year. The things that I thought were gone have been returned in ways I could never dream of. This past Sunday the worship pastor who was at the Aleph Bet conference was singing “I trust in God.” I cried again listening to this song but this time they were tears of thankfulness because God indeed has heard some of mine and Blakes prayers and has answered them. They have still not been answered in the way that we had once prayed for but God has been faithful to show us that His plan is better than ours. I’m still not totally sure what God is doing in our situation but I do know that I can trust in Him because He has been so faithful to Blake and I. He has turned something that was bad and turned it into good. He’s not done with it yet and I know He will keep His promise. Ephesians 3:20 says “God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we ask or think.” He has done just that and no matter what is to come we are on this earth so that He can get the glory and so I will continue to give it to Him. 

All that to say, if you are in a place where God is not answering your prayers in the way you would like, know that He does hear you and He has a plan. No matter the outcome, He’s already won the battle and each day we move closer to spending eternity with Him.